It's Such A Beautiful Thing....

The other night I was out with my dude and his future wife (call it prophecy). It was very interesting to just observe them and watch their interactions. Now I'm not one to put anyone's B-I out there especially when I don't know the deal. So this blog is merely my observation. On one hand there was a visible conflict, but what was less conspicuous to the naked eye, was the love behind the pride. As most couples do, they were going through something. What made me smile though was their subconscious willingness to let go of whatever issue for a period of time and dance together. It wasn't even the act of dancing itself, but the exuberance in both of them as if they had forgotten there was something wrong in the first place. For that short period of time, I literally witnessed pride disappear, love creep in, and love become tangible. BEAUTIFUL!!! I interpreted that as meaning their issue wasn't an issue at all. They're momentarily going through something, but they'll get through whatever it is. We all hurt from time to time and go through our thing, but when we search deep down, we can find truth.

I briefly spoke to my dude afterwards and gave him some advice. Really..that's all. There are moments when God speaks to you, and you're cognizant of all the small tings. This was one of those moments. It's weird though because my brain works in a very associative manner. Needless to say, I started thinking about all sorts of stuff.... relationships, friendships, family, life, mistakes made, and too much to talk about in one post. What I can say though, is that love is a beautiful thing.

While in the studio earlier today, I was building with my homie and he said something that really resonated, "Love is truth".

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Dazed and Confused

As I pack my bags and prepare to spend the holidays with my sister, I'm not very festive. As I look back on '09, I'm actually sort of sad. On one end, I saw my visibility skyrocket because of a controversial music video. I recently dropped a project which is receiving overwhelmingly positive feedback within days of it's release. Best of all, I have a new nephew. That's alot to be happy about. On the other end however, I see fragments of past friendships and relationships that defined a huge part of my decade. Friends became associates and significant others became strangers. It's tough...

I guess I have to embrace this new space I'm in. I see glimmers of light breaking through the door, but I'm frightened to go in. I ask myself, "Have I become complacent and a shell of my former self?" Most people that have known me for a while would probably describe me as an outgoing, ambitious, and free spirited individual. However, I don't know where or when that changed.

Now I find myself re-learning things I once knew. I'm re-learning how to be hungry. I'm re-learning how to love. I'm re-learning alot...

As I write this, I'm suddenly overcome by a feeling of optimism. This is funny... comical even. What started out as a somewhat depressing and random post has slowly morphed into something inspirational; at least from this writer's perspective. Deep down, I'm excited for what the future holds. I've seen more success with the aforementioned projects in a few months than I've seen in a long time. I went out recently, and was reminded of the lasting impression I left on very influential people. If anything, I had an incredible weekend with 2 people that reminded me of what happiness, love, and kindness look like. Thank y'all. It's on.

I need to pay attention to my own music more often because "I've got a ticket to success and it's one way... I'm taking off with no baggage." I just needed to vent...bare with me

Truth...

In a previous blog entry, I used a quote which I think should be used again. So here it goes...

"Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time."
-- Sara Paddison

Here's another personal joint I never leaked

"Love Is Like A Movie" - DOWNLOAD

Missing You

Today has been a crazy day to say the least. Around 12 AM I got great news. Somewhere around 9 AM, I got even more fantastic news. Finally around 12:30 PM, I received quite possibly the best news of the day; my sister was ready to have the baby. Congrats to her, my brother-in-law, and the entire family because we have a new edition. As I sat in the hospital room with her though, I couldn't escape a feeling of emptiness. It was joyous on so many levels, but for me, it was bittersweet. Something was missing.

By no means was I going to be the kill joy and ruin the moment, but I was definitely missing my mom. There have been many moments where I wished she was alive to simply witness, partake in, and be around for including my sister's wedding, my graduation, and many lesser things like meeting my girlfriends. However, today must have been one of the toughest. My mom would always say "I just want to see you grow and become a man", but unfortunately she never could since losing her at 16. In some round about way though, I think that same growth she wanted to see in me is directly correlated to being around for the birth of her grandchildren. I was overcome by such strong feeling, I literally held back my tears. The only person I knew that could relate to me was either my sister or my boy Soo Kim. Soo Kim couldn't be reached and obviously I wouldn't bring it up to my sister, but I can't help but think that similar thoughts ran through her mind.

I'm not trying to put a damper on a wondrous occasions because I'm as ecstatic as anyone. I'm happy for my sister and grateful for the personal sacrifices I feel she has made for me. I think I'm simply reminded of my mom at a time like this, and I wish she was still around.

Mommy, I love you. I miss you. I know you're still watching over me and guiding us, but there are moments I wish you were here in the physical form. I think writing this will make me cry, but XOXO. I love you. Just know that I'm cognizant of your presence and blessings

As for you Jason, "Despite my stress dude, I'm plotting my next move cause I gotta win for my newborn nephew." Uncle Shake has got you.

Faith Restored

Tonight I literally witnessed something I wouldn't have thought to be true. Not because it's impossible, but because my perception and faith in a person was so pristine. I guess I was jaded. The irony, (you won't get it) but that's another story for a later day. Shouts to the homie Soo Kim, I miss you brother. Back to tonight though. I had put a lot of faith in someone, unlike any other before them, but my faith dwindled within seconds. I almost don't believe what I saw, but fortunately I wasn't the only person that saw it. Considering all the things I could have seen based on location, time, mood, and all the other worldly variables, God intended me to see what I saw. It was meant to be.

However, in a very funny turn of events, someone was able to restore it. Maybe "restore" isn't the best choice of words. What I really mean to say is, I found faith in someone. To my new friend, thank you. You helped put things in perspective, and to you, I am indebted. I appreciate it.... I am shedding my skin.

The Thread That Binds Us Part 2

This is for...
my boy who am I bound to because we matured while living by trial & error
my friend who I am bound to because we are inherently destined to do music
my friend who I am bound to because we understand the need/want to be appreciated
my dude who I am bound to because we braved a new situation together
my homegirl I am bound to because of sincerity
my friend I am bound to because we are driven to not only be successful, but GREAT
my friend I am bound to because despite our flaws, we see truth in each other
my friends I am bound to by virtue of going to the same school
my friend I am bound to because we never accepted marginal success academically
my fam who I am bound to because at an early age, we recognized our love for Hip-Hop
THE girl I am bound to because because we saw through the mediocrity & expected more
my friends I am bound to because we sacrifice stability and pursue our dreams instead
my friends I am bound to by the superficial thread of being "FRESH" and gearing
my friends I am bound to because we stayed up late dreaming of being on Stretch & Bob
my friends I am bound to because.....


The Incomparable Shakepeare