Not literally, but yes I am. I've come to the realization that despite my best efforts to make thing better, I seem to hurt the ones I care about. I don't know if this is the simple byproduct of being emotionally invested or because we all have expectations. For a long time I've thought, "expectations only set up disappointment". I know that sounds pessimistic, but there is truth in it. However, we need expectation. Expectation gives us the promise of something greater, something to hope for, most importantly, something to aspire to be.
I say all this philosophical mumbo jumbo to say that, I find myself unintentionally hurting people I would never do anything to. I don't have the capacity to be malicious, but I'm aware that my insecurities can subconsciously pull me away from people. I'm not sure if its attributed to my past experiences or a coping mechanism. I don't know if I'm even making sense at this point....
Point is, it hurts when you hurt those you care about.
1 comment:
"but I'm aware that my insecurities can subconsciously pull me away from people. I'm not sure if its attributed to my past experiences or a coping mechanism. I don't know if I'm even making sense at this point...."
That point resonates loud and clear with me. Oh yeah, I b f**kin up.
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