So we're a day or two removed from Valentine's Day, which is pretty significant to me. It marks the day that most things in my life flipped topsy turvy.
As wack and as horrible as it sounds, this specific time of year reminds me of what I call the "beginning of the end". My relationship with my ex-girlfriend, who I was with for 4 years, radically changed and ended. All of which I documented in my "Love Hurts Freestyle" (It obviously comes from an biased perspective, but it's my side of the story). Not to be outdone, the place I called home for the greater part of my adult life would no longer be "home". I could go on about the other drama that transpired since, but I won't. Let's just say it's been a transitional year starting February 14th.
Fast forward February 14, 2010, and I woke up pretty depressed. For all the aforementioned reasons, and I felt downright lonely. Not necessarily the loneliness you feel when you're not in a relationship, but more the feeling you're just alone in general. Thank goodness for my homegirl, Val, who I not only had dinner with but also watched the NBA All-Star game with. This simple experience single handily opened me up to a new perspective on what would have otherwise been an awful Valentine's Day. It showed me that it's not so much about your so-called "significant other" than it's about the people you love. I think this was most apparent when a father with his young daughter, holding a rose, sat at the the table besides us for dinner. I saw them an smiled and appreciated my relationship with Val just that much more. You're a golden girl; "thank you for being a friend"
Despite great company, a few drinks, appetizers, a decent meal, and a lackluster ball game, I still feel empty. More so than anything else, this time of year reminds me of when I lost my mom. For me, it's the craziest thing ever because I'm reminded daily of her absence. It's one of those things, that unless you experience it, you really can't relate. You would think 14 years later it would be easier to cope, but it's not. I look at myself and I'm fully aware of how this one experience has shaped me. I'm guessing I've probably blogged about this one too many times, but to put it in perspective let's take a look at every one's favorite pop culture icon Kanye West. We've all accepted his outrageous behavior which was oftentimes comical, but he's obviously a different person after losing his mom. Even Jay Leno called him out on it. I'm not saying this to criticize 'Ye, but simply to illustrate that even in adulthood, losing a parent is life altering. Granted I haven't achieved super stardom, but I think the fact I lost her at 16 more than makes up for it. Point is, it's tough and I miss her a lot. I feel like I need her more than ever, and I don't know where to go for advice, guidance, and that overall feeling of "I'll be there when you fuck up". I can't write anymore.....
1 comment:
I lost my moms many moons ago. It took a long while to really cope with the loss and address it. I miss her often, wish I could just say hello or just see her. I often wonder how different things would be if my mother was still around. It would be cool, really cool.
On some occasions, there are some things, ideas and people that reminds of my mother and I just smile. This post is one those things. It also reminded me to appreciate those small insignificant moments with family, friends and perfect strangers.
;-)
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